full
empty

and there was nothing.
nothing left in the end.


introduction
confession

zishing
04-12-1992
no preferences
nothing particular.
the place people come to for help.
and that's about it.


out
in

AB
AiPing
Amos
Andy
Baka-Tsuki
Caroline
ChinHian
Dom
De-Coder's Cafe a.k.a.Yap
Hisyam
JingSheng
LeeYang
Kee
Leonard
LiJie
MarcusChan
Matilda
Max
MelWeh
RongRong
RuiFen
Sarah
SiHui
Stewart
Sumo
Valerie
Zak


past
present

August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 May 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 February 2011 April 2011 September 2011 November 2011

thank
request

designer: frozen.d}
resources: x


(Wednesday, December 12, 2007/11:37 PM)

darkness
well.
some night thoughts before i go.

when i was a young boy. maybe.
7 or 8.
i used to ask myself why.
why am i controlling this body?
i was trying to imagine what would it be like to die.
where i would go.
whether i could still move.
or just lie there and watch myself rot.

i was scared. scared of death.
at the same time wondering again.
who are all these other people?
why is it only i can feel myself?
are they all just empty bodies appearing to be doing what is normal?
how come i am myself? why not somebody else?
those questions haunted me for quite some time.
i never came to know those answers. not even now.

now as i sit here those questions are coming back to me.
what if some day i go away? how will it feel?
will i come back reborn? will i go to heaven or hell?
what will happen to everyone else?
why am i even here? what purpose do i serve?
why are these people my family? why are these people my friends?
i don't want to go away.
but i don't even know when i will.

well of course one might think that a young boy thinking about death is stupid.
but life is a glass sculpture.
it is moulded as time goes by. yet one accidental push.
might send it towards the ground.
and all that will be left is a million shattered pieces.
that remain on the ground. waiting to be swept up sooner or later.
who is this hand sculpting me?
is it just one person? multiple?

i wonder who it could be.


As the young boy gazed up into the sky.
Seeing the stars that twinkled so bright.
"I wish I may, I wish I might,
To see life completely, in it's full light"

Little boy, and thus may your wish be granted.
You have your loved ones and you're not unwanted.
But wish you may and wish you might.
The life that you wish for is not in full sight.

For a tiny fragile life has just too much to see.
Too many things to do, so many things to meet.
Alas young boy in a way your wish can't be grated.
But do not fret, you must remain undaunted.

Look out for family now and take care of your friends.
For there is no knowing when all this will end.
Maybe after lots of decades to come.
Maybe even tomorrow your work, sadly, is done.

So treasure what you have for experience is priceless.
Your life is on its own with seasons and spices...
So run while you can, as free as you can be,
Go now little boy, there is so much to see...

As the little boy stared once again right up to the stars.
Somehow he could felt that just now they'd part.
That little boy would one day grow and learn to live,
His life as he wants to, the greatest gifts he'd give.
The mistakes he'd make, over and over again,
Trying to learn while keeping himself sane.
The little boy has grown in more ways than none.
Maybe you can guess who he is while he has fun.

In his own world.